Monday, February 18, 2008

Knight Rider

was at the in-laws on sunday night; the new and improved Knight Rider movie was on tv; i watched about 15 intermittent minutes of it, but in that time i learned a lot.

depending on your level of interest you may or may not know that they changed Kitt from the original car type (trans am i believe) to a souped-up Ford Mustang. also, the guy driving it this time is Michael Knight's son. also, he's called Mike.

also, apparently when they were designing this Kitt, this supercar, they forgot to throw the bulletproof windows because the passenger side got shot out, but good

also, in the final chase scene we came to understand that Kitt can withstand, without noticeable damage, a side impact collision from a speeding SUV into Kitt's driver side (but the glass, surprisingly, did not break..... SUV-proof glass, as it were)

also, they had this weird way of cutting to commercials, not necessarily when the tension at its apex or anything, more like people are talking and someone just decides to say something and then stand silent for a moment or two, staring blankly, until the cut to advertising.

also, one of those cuts to commercial came at the end when, yes, we spot long-missing father figure Michael Knight (aka Hasselhoff!) in the blurry distance.

also, Michael Knight said something to Mike, i'm not sure what, i wasn't paying attention. also, Mike didn't want to drive Kitt anymore after the mission was over but then something (wasn't paying attention) made him change his mind. suppose Mike will be cleared for his first of many exciting new adventures each week once the execs crunch the viewership numbers and find them acceptable.

my one-sentence summary of the movie and the majority of its commercials (or the portion that i saw of each):

"Michael, I'm detecting a 99.4% probability that even a high-risk youth with a troubled past like yourself can still get an attractive seven-year loan on a great new car like me at your local Ford dealership"

(UPDATE! the always-enjoyable TV Club feature over at the Onion's AV Club tells me the reason that KITT's passenger window was shot out but its driver's side window remained unfazed from a direct SUV hit: nanotechnology! you see, the nanobots repair all of the car's body structure but only when the on-board computer is enabled of course. just so happened that they had to shut down KITT's computer earlier because the bad guys were about to override his codes and take control of.... eh you don't care)

Lady in the Black Mercedes SLK

Lady in the Black Mercedes SLK, driving south on highway 288 on sunday afternoon, you are a special traveler, a beacon of magnificence among us commoners.

not satisfied with the 80 mph pace set by myself and the rest of the highway occupants on the relatively uncluttered road, you weave in and out of traffic, tailgating and generally demonstrating the kind of driving maneuvers that would be inconsiderate at best, dangerous at worst, in a more 'pedestrian' automobile.

but you are the lady in the black Mercedes SLK, and as such in line with your high-performance luxury vehicle must necessarily possess steering, acceleration, and braking skills the likes of which i and the other drivers sharing the road with you that day dare only imagine.

it was rather insolent of those three cars to line up abreast at that one point across all lanes but your quick problem-solving skills easily circumvented that moving barrier. using the exit lane to go around the line of cars and cut back onto the highway at the last second was a masterful move and was surely recognized as such by the car in the right lane as he regained his composure from having almost merged into you, who at the time was passing him on the right at a high rate of speed, while he was trying to use the exit lane for its actual purpose of exiting the freeway.

speed on, lady in the black Mercedes SLK; i and my other moving obstacles cheer your journey and thrill at what feats of driving you may divine to exhibit to us in future days.